Been on the roller coaster

I am sorry for not posting but the roller coaster of alcoholism has been dragging me along. I keep thinking things will improve and sometimes I will get a few hours of joy but it always ends badly. Then I feel lke an idiot for thinking he meant what he said. I feel stupid for "falling" for it again. The highs can be so high but I don't think the best days will ever make up for the worst and I am tired of other people screwing up and me having to suffer for it.